1/11/12
Had an epiphany last night. An epiphany which I think will affect my
world view for the better. Although it’s
sort of a sad realization, it’s also very freeing.
I am, like you, blinded by my own
perceptions. Though some of us are more
blind than others, and some are blind to different types of things, it’s
probably true that most of us are blind to that which we wish to be blind to.
For instance, when I was a child
and young adult, I knew there were people who killed animals, on purpose, for
sport and for a living, and I knew that sometimes people would be cruel and
harmful to animals. It was not until I
was 21 however (I remember the very moment it happened) that I really grasped
the fact that not all people loved animals.
It was a moment in which I really let into my consciousness the truth
that was so very, very different than my own personal truth – that some people
don’t care about animals, some people don’t recognize animals as sentient
beings, and some people just plain don’t
like animals. This realization
literally changed the way I thought about the human race from that day forward.
You might have a little chuckle at
this, because, well,… duh. How blind
does a person have to be to miss an obvious truth like this? Dollars to donuts, though, dear reader, you’ve
had a similar experience. Though you may
not have really let yourself register the experience completely because, simply
put, it’s embarrassing. Once you realize
an assumption under which you’ve been operating is so clearly just wrong, you really can’t help but feel,
to a greater or lesser degree, just plain foolish.
If you’re willing to take a stand
and say that has never, ever happened to you, then allow me to let you in on
something. If you’ve had the experience of having really negative
feelings about a certain type of person, or group of people, or situation; if
you’ve rolled the same unanswerable questions over and over in your mind – how
can they be that way, how could this happen again, what is wrong with these
people – then you’re the ignorant owner of an assumption that everyone’s world
view (at least on a given subject) is, or should be, similar to yours.
My most recent awakening is on the
subject of hierarchy. Much like my
observation of the animal-haters, I’ve observed hierarchy and know it
exists. Have for some time.
Two years ago I was asked to fill the job of the youth choir director by the church my family and I were then attending. I still have
that job, and during that time I took on another staff role for the better part of a year. Shortly after I began that second job, and ever since then, I’ve had many sleepless nights because of
the things those jobs have left running around in my brain. I’ve cried more over my frustrations in those
jobs than over any boyfriend I’ve ever had.
(Not because of the congregants, but because of my conflicts with the
people that run the church.) You'd think I'd learn, but here I am again in a situation in which I'm asking myself the same types of questions over and
over again: Why can’t they just ask nicely?
Why would their default way behavior toward me be to treat me like I’ve
done something wrong? Why would someone
assume that I’m not trying to do the best job I can? Why would someone need to be so disrespectful
for no apparent reason? Why do they keep
referring to me as “the position” instead of “Meredith?” How
can someone be so rude?
And then, in my frustration at my
inability to answer these questions I just get angry. I let my emotions run wild and I just decide that there must be something wrong with
these people. I allow myself to condemn them as being malicious and dysfunctional, and I feel
helpless. Ever taken a fish taken off a
hook and laid it on a dock? That would
be the picture of me in this situation.
That’s how I look, that’s how I feel, that’s how I behave (though it
might be worth noting that I am
wearing clothes). Probably doesn’t need
to be pointed out that my fish-on-a-dock behavior doesn’t garner me any more respect
or courtesy from my employers.
Knowing I'm not acting in accordance with my beliefs I decided I needed some help with this. I took my fishy-self to a meeting at the
Unity Church near me in an attempt to get my head on straight. It worked.
I figured it out. It’s quite
simple. This is it:
Most of the people that run
the church I work for believe very strongly in hierarchy,
and
I don’t.
In fact, I don’t believe in it to
the degree that I don’t even see it when I’m in the middle of it. So here I am, wondering why these people feel
the need to be so very disrespectful when a respectful approach would work just
as well and keep us all liking each
other much more. And here they are, wondering why I can’t see the
Chain Of Authority, why I don’t seem to be able to accept my rung on the ladder, why I don't respect the rules, and why I keep insisting (in manner very difficult to respect) on being respected. And if someone has a need to feel important and “better
than,” then treating someone "less than" might well
go a long way toward helping that someone feel better about him or herself. (Let me just insert here that I'm not saying that because you believe in hierarchy you have to be dictatorial. Many, many people use hierarchy in smart and caring ways to get the best out of people. I'm just saying that IF you happen to be dictatorial, a hierarchical structure would really work well for you.)
I can’t tell you how relieved I am
today to have figured this out. I’m now
released from the frustration of trying to understand something I have no
interest in. Nobody
could have set me free before I was willing to be, and nobody can bring bring anyone else to
a more peaceful and respectful consciousness
before they’re ready.
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